I’m looking at the birch tree ... pondering about the web of life ...

Dear you.

I‘m thinking of the web a lot these day ... the web of life ...

Which veins do I want to feed, which ones am I giving my juices to already ... consciously, unconsciously ... with whom and what am I feeling connected?

I‘m preparing for my group „Coming home to the Fire“ - this month’s theme is „Belonging“.

I‘m having a hard time today and these days ... to connect with the knowing and the sense of my belonging. I’m noticing it’s a particular plane, where I’m feeling the disconnect. With my heart and inner sense, I‘m revisiting my first vision quest circle and the journal I kept, the days and weeks after. I’m remembering now - that I remembered then. Some things that I’m reading stand out for me - I‘m noticing the’ve become part of my life, I live them now and ... part of me seems to have had forgotten about them.

I‘m thinking about the inner wilderness. Wildness. What is it?

I‘m thinking of my brothers and sisters (human) where I have a sense of embodied wildness. Naturalness. That, what I feel that is ...

I know there is work to do.

I‘m feeling tired. I‘m grieving something ...

The walls are too thick between me and nature ... the world ... the wild world ... the wild world. What is it? The non-linear, the cyclical, the unpredictable, and also the inevitability of ... awareness ... of warmth bringing Fire, birthing and dying ... growing and decaying ... all that ... that which we all share, if we like it or not, wether we know it or not ...

The walls also give me protection from the noise ... I’m hiding within my walls not only from the elements, the cold ... but I‘m hiding from the noise of machines, cars, wind turbines. I‘m feeling trapped. Inside the protection of a house. I long for thinner walls, less layers between me and all the natural Others. I know that I would struggle and probably die, if I was suddenly thrown out of any housing during winter.

I remember being outside of walls so much in Australia and Bali. I know, it was warm there. Mostly. Sometimes actually it was cold. I remember being inside some not so thick walls in the little house in the german forest last winter - living with the Fire, the candles, the water from the creek. The storms that sounded dangerous (and even were dangerous - as trees were falling close to the little cabin).

The world is rearranging on a big scale. It all looks like a big mess. There is some hidden chance in there ... maybe even not so hidden for some! … there is a chance to return to a different source. To return to love and a world based on nature’s priciples and on equality and on doing no harm. A world that‘s not based on exploitation.

So where do I want to be plugged into? Where am I plugged in?

My whole body is saying joyfully that I want to be plugged into the ways of nature ... the nonlinear ways of the roots, the branches, the circling birds, the majesty of the oceans ... the pulsing of my heart and all hearts … I want to stay in my belonging to the Earth and nature‘s ways. If I had to choose between technology and a radical re-learning how to live as a full member of all of Earth Community, my choice was clear. I know for me it‘s a long way to return and to learn how to take care of myself and my loved ones - truly based on „doing no harm“ ...

I know it means sacrifices from the conveniences of this western society that I‘m a child of. I know I am failing and that I will fail along the way, till my choices and my way of living here is not only „life-sustaining but also life-enhancing“ (as Bill Plotkin puts it).

And ... here we are.

What choices do we make, do I make?

How do we support each other in this?

Where do we want to be connected to?

What’s our deepest heart knowing is possible on this planet?

What do I want to support and what do I not want to support (anymore) - which I know brings harm to beings of Earth? It’s all nothing new, but that doesn’t make it less important.

I’m feeling like rolling up the sleeves. Silently.

What do you feel reading this?

What kind of resonance or dissonance do you notice within you?

Would you like to share?

Send me an Email: kontakt@susannefeld.de

Much Love
Susanne

And maybe … join some exploration about your place of Belonging.

Newsletter February

... to all parts of the cycles 1

This is somewhere along my underworld quest journey, in Australia, 2019

… I was sitting with two women sisters …

Today. Seeing, witnessing one sister in a part of the cycle that speaks from loose ends, grief, not-knowing, doubt, and the atmosphere of „question“. It spoke from having lost connection (and through that: “being connected” to all that - which seemingly has “lost connection” - oh! what a big part of our cycling world that is!)

Even “having lost connection” - I could see from the outside - as “being connected”… It’s where we tune our ears and hearts towards to, where connection can be experienced. And at these times it’s not “the obvious” … not that, which we are used to celebrate. And maybe we need to presence these parts or have them be presenced by another in order to be able to tune in …

Listening to her … seeing her … I’m feeling this huge well of Love. Right from my heart. Seeing my sister. Seeing myself. Seeing nature in it. And truly trusting: she herself has the whole-ing abilities within her. And yes … we can support each other. Sharing our gifts - the ones that are coming from our deepest and ancient homes within. Acknowledging that we ourselves have received support and that we are made of so much. Informed by so much support along the way in different kinds - from within, from outside (and not always obvious and comfortable) …

And having let go of those parts that were ready to leave … and having integrated, which was nourishment for the next step of our embodied path on Earth. And again … letting go of even that what „we once thought real“ (to quote a poem by Rain Czupryna) - and to … weave back in again … a bit different, a bit changed. A bit more within our seat and sovereignty.

But wait … let me get this clear:
I don’t mean that we are abandoning our seat, when we are in this kind of phase of disintegration - not necessarily. What if … we would instead inquire into what it means to take our seat as this. While being this messy chaotic (maybe even beautiful), disintegrated momentary expression of life? And is this place asking from us - and giving us throughout this time?

What if … we would truly see … that we are trying to judge and avoid Life force itself, when we pull back from this phases and places of fruitful disintegration?

What if … we weren’t able to judge even one bit of who we truly are? Just for a moment? What if … we would risk seeing through thes eyes of Life - of Love? To look at ourselves …

Do we then still feel / seem to know, we - or a part of us is a mistake?
Would we still think - we are doing this wrong?